Personal Growth & the Need for Love

Toxic relationships (with oneself and others) bring the worse out in people.

These relationships smash individuality and foster bad habits that can take years to recover from.

For the longest time, I have been at war with myself to find only one thing to do with my life.
One thing that would capture my attention and by focusing on it exclusively, bring “success” … whatever that means!

For whatever reason, and I really have no idea why I thought this but, I was under the illusion you must do just one thing, or rather “be” one thing in order to be “successful.”

The problem is I like doing many things.
I love writing.I love filmmaking (or cinema to be more correct).I love photography – particularly shooting street & doc photography.
(and of course, personal development is and has been a central thrust of my life.)
Now, don’t me wrong…I have been highly “successful” in many areas of my life.

But despite this fact, I don’t feel successful.

Rather I feel like I have not lived up to my own potential. With an almost constant urge to do more.

I think it is a flaw in my character but, I feel a strong need to focus on only one thing because I get so into that one thing, and I have an idea that I need to only focus on this one thing in order to be “successful” (there’s that word again!).

The problem is, at some point, I will feel a strong need or desire to do something else. So I drop what I was doing to focus on this other thing.
And it used to drive people around me nuts, and I was always concerned it made me flaky!
So I’d try really hard not to be like that.

I did this for YEARS – causing myself so much internal conflict. As I said above, I have felt like I was at war with myself at times.
One thing that became clear recently is that what I am doing with all my work is documenting the human journey through the lens of my own work-view.

If you’ve followed me long enough you probably heard me mention the ideas of, “stories of human potential.” This is the central theme of everything I’ve done had at its heart this idea.
But by focusing on one to the exclusion of others I am in effect not doing a good job at “doing me.”
From today I embrace the idea of Clarke doing Clarke, and not try and be more than this or less than this.

You should try and do the same. 🙂


Photo by Debashis RC Biswas

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